#GOALS

In the past I haven’t really made a list of New Year’s resolutions. I think it’s silly that right when January rolls around everyone’s like “new year, new me.” Like no, you aren’t any different than you were in December. Well, with that being said, I began a list a while back of things that I want to work on and now just seemed like the right time to publicly release that list. Sometimes you need more than just yourself for motivation. By writing these down and posting them online for you to read, it helps me hold myself accountable. So, new year, improved me?

Be more transparent. Tell it like it is. Be a bad B.

As much as I strongly dislike and disagree with everything that comes out of Tomi Lahren’s mouth, I can’t deny that she is a bad bitch who doesn’t care what anyone thinks about her. I strive to have that mentality. I frequently feel like I filter myself or hold myself back from using my voice and stating my opinion. I’m always nervous about the repercussions of something I say or do and I care too much about what other people think of me. In fact, writing this entire post is giving me slight anxiety. I worry incessantly about being well-liked and do my best not to deeply offend anyone or hurt people’s feelings. My inner angel / devil are battling, constantly.  Being a bad bitch and being well-liked deeply contradict one another. Why can’t I be both? This year, I’m going to try.

Find my passions. Do more of what I love.

I often find myself making excuses as to why I won’t try something. I hate admitting it, but my biggest excuse is usually that I am scared. Scared of failing, most likely. So I usually pursue something I already know I’m good at. But sometimes the things we are good at don’t bring us the most joy. Fun fact: I love to sing. I’m no Beyoncé, but I’m decent, I can hold a tune. One of my favorite things to do is sing in the car when I’m alone. I often daydream about doing open mic night or auditioning for a musical, but I never have. Throughout this year I hope to pinpoint these passions of mine and explore them more. I need to tell myself to not be so scared of failing. Maybe you can tell me too.

Be less self-conscious. Embrace your appearance.

Okay, some of you may be thinking… you have a blog, you post pictures of yourself on social media all the time, how are you self-conscious? I get this response a lot when I tell people how much I dislike the way that I look. I constantly need reassurance about my appearance. I swear I only like maybe 2% of photos that are taken of me, and Photoshop is my best friend. I CRINGE at certain pictures of me from my “bad” angles. I frequently consider facial reconstruction surgery. I want to get my nose done. I want lip fillers. But then I think, will this ultimately make me happier? Maybe. But going forward, I want to let go of all this self-consciousness and fully accept myself. This is who I am. This is what I look like. Some people like the way I look, some don’t. But my appearance doesn’t change who I am as a person, and that’s what I need to remember. I need to stop thinking that my physical appearance defines me.

Know my worth. No more fuckboys.

We’ve all dealt with them. We all know one or two, or ten. We all have hope of taming one. Never gonna happen. I spent the majority of 2017 fixated on one f*boy. One f*boy who even admitted to me that he knows he’s a f*boy, and who didn’t see my worth. Ladies, why do we put up with this? Why do we spend our time chasing boys who do not appreciate all that we are? Why did I spend the majority of a year attempting to get attention from one guy who never reciprocated any respect and wasn’t worth my time? I’m 25 years old! I thought by this age I’d be smarter about the people I choose to give my attention to. I know I deserve better. I need to hold myself to a higher standard. Moving forward, I aim to be better at knowing my worth, investing my time and effort into the right people, and calling boys out on their bullshit. (Here’s to telling it like it is and being more transparent, amirite? Already completing one resolution, ha!)

“What I know for sure is that speaking your truth is the most powerful tool we all have.” – Oprah, 2018 Golden Globes. This quote came at a fortuitous time. This wasn’t an easy post to write and publish – it makes me vulnerable and a little nervous to release such personal information for anyone to critique. But as Oprah said, speaking your truth can be so powerful and perhaps my words will resonate with some readers. So friends, peers, strangers who come across this post, help hold me accountable this year. These are tough “resolutions” to follow but I’m going to give it my all.

Bring it on, 2018.